Shingles- and why I'm thankful

I (Rob) found out this week that I have shingles.  It's almost exam week at seminary, term papers are due next week, I'm scheduled to speak at a Chinese church in Miami next week...great timing, body.

Shingles started with what I thought was a strained muscle in my back.  Then some tingling in my skin around that area and spreading to my armpit and chest.  Before we learned it was shingles, my thoughts for possible problems were:
*fast moving cancer (not unlikely, given my family history)
*heart disease (I always assume this is inevitable as I get older)
*kidney failure (because WebMD suggested it)
*spider bite (since moving to Florida, I've woken up TWICE in the middle of the night because a large roach crawled across me.  I killed both roaches.  If roaches are crawling on me at night, why not spiders?  And we have some BIG spiders in Florida.)

But then, very suddenly, the rash and bumps appeared, and I was able to rule out all of those except "spider bite," which then got ruled out by the doctor saying "you have a textbook case of shingles," which, for those of you that don't know about shingles, it's basically short for "What chicken pox does when it's been dormant in your body for decades and gets bored."

So compared to my fears, shingles isn't so bad, and I'm thankful for that.

Also, when researching shingles, I've realized that the only people who really write their personal medical experiences online are people who have horrible experiences.  Nobody writes "yeah, I had such-and-such illness and it was not as bad as I feared."  No, nobody with those experiences is motivated to write about it.  The stories you see online are: "I was in constant pain for 4 months." "I wanted to stab myself and cut off my skin."  "It was more painful than my broken tailbone."  And everyone who hears you have shingles shares the horror stories they've heard or experienced.   So I've been ready for the worst pain of my life.  Thankfully, that hasn't happened...yet.

But it is painful.  Very painful.  And itchy...burningly itchy.  And this will probably last several weeks.  I woke up today and the pain had risen to a new level.  It's hard to concentrate long enough to study, write papers, or work.  And the kids don't understand why I can't hold them or roughhouse with them, which makes things much harder for April, too.

So to sum up, I'm thankful that I don't have any of the things I feared at first, and I'm thankful that my case isn't as bad as it could be.  But I don't like having shingles.  And if anyone wants their kids to get chicken pox, send them over, I think I'm entering my contagious phase soon.

(Also, for the seriously twisted, I have pictures of the rash available upon request.)

For REAL?

As April was filling out Cosi's applications for her East Asia visa, she noticed that there was a typo on Cosi's birth date. So after payng extra to have the passport expedited only to have it arrive too late to get her visa before our road trip, we return to find that, according to her new passport, Cosi is turning 10 this year! 2001, 2007- easy mistake.
So, for those who are still following our twisty-turny adoption journey, please pray that we can get Cosi an East Asian visa through her Ukraine passport tomorrow. There's no time to get her U.S. passport fixed and visa'd up before we leave on Thursday.

I'm trying not to be cyncial, but...

My suitcase was all packed except for the pairs of jeans still drying on top of the heater in the guest bedroom that has been my home for most of the past 5 weeks. I was backing up my hard drive, adding videos to my ipod, and planning my snacks for the night.

Today, the court decision became effective; today, Cosi became my daughter. Today, I was supposed to get on an overnight train, arrive there in the morning, pick up the documents from the courthouse, and then hold my little girl for the first time as her legal father.

And then our facilitator, Helen, called- she was in the hospital with kidney stones. At first, we discussed the possibility that I would still go out there alone, meet Pasha, pick up the document, and do what I could until Helen arrived, maybe a day behind me. But then Helen realized that I could do nothing. I am totally helpless- I can neither read nor fill out the forms I would need to use, and we don't know anyone there with enough English to help me out. Traveling all over Trans-Carpathia without a translator and with an adoption on the line just doesn't seem wise.

And then the kidney stones got worse- Helen has a doctor's appointment tomorrow morning. In a transparent effort to keep my hopes up, she says, "Maybe I will be lucky, I don't know. maybe we can go tomorrow." I can tell she is in a lot of pain and that she is also stressed because she knows how this will affect our timing (flights, etc.). I try to be as gracious and reassuring as possible, for her sake. And for my own sake, lest I become completely self-focused.

We will wait and see how tomorrow goes. At some point tomorrow, I need to bring up the possibility of her sending someone else with us. if this drags on for a few days, timing becomes a really big problem.

So another night in Kiev, another night spent wondering if my daughter remembers me and if she wonders where I am. Another night asking God why it has been such a long road with so many unexpected turns and roadblocks. Sometimes I feel this experience chipping away at my ability to trust God. I know he's in control, and I know he's trustworthy, but...

But I'm always afraid to finish that sentence.

Anyway, pray for Helen- a woman you don't know who is probably suffering incredibly right now, more so than the mental and emotional stress I'm sorting through. And at least I have some Oreo's to help me out.

January 6th!!

We finally received our court date- January 6th!! This is good news, because it means that Rob and Cosi could potentially be back in the States by the end of January. Here's how the schedule works:

Jan 5th: Overnight train to Svalyava.
Jan 6th: 930am-Appear in court for what is usually a routine appearance before a judge, who has full power to grant or deny our adoption. Once the the judge approves it, the decision is official. After that, we will have another chance to see our daughter before our overnight train back to Kiev.
Jan 7th-9th: Christmas break in Ukraine. Everything is closed.
Jan 12th: April flies back to the US.
Jan 17th: After a 10 day waiting period (during which people can protest the adoption, which rarely happens), Rob gets to pick up Cosi and she is finally and forever a part of our family!
Jan 17-24th: Travel to Uzgorod to do the paperwork for Cosi's passport.
Jan 24th-?: Back to Kiev to get Cosi's US visa and immigration forms in order. Hopefully this will be a quick process.

Prayer requests:
-The judge will grant our adoption and no one will file an objection.
-All the crazy paperwork will be in order and NO more surprises!
-April's travel, both on the trains and flying alone back to Virginia.
-Rob, as he tries out single-parenting a hyperactive 3 year old who doesn't speak English, while traveling around a foreign country, while trying to get paperwork finished...and then flying back to the States.

We're so excited to see her again in just 2 days. We've been going over our pictures and videos everyday and eagerly looking forward to our next visit. The adoption journey is nearing its end! And after that, a whole new journey begins.

It Gets Worse

So I'm about to call East Asia Interpol myself and see if that helps. Talk about an impasse...

East Asia refuses to do a report on us because we're not criminals. But Ukraine cannot move forward with our adoption until they have that report. Ukraine is willing to accept a document explaining why they won't do a report, but East Asia Interpol won't even produce a document like that.

AAAAARGGGGHHHHH!!!!!

Prayer Request- Interpol

While we were posting videos, we got a call from our facilitator, who was submitting our documents so that we could get our FINAL court date- the one that makes Cosi our daughter. Unfortunately, there is one crucial document missing- the Interpol clearance from East Asia. They've been waiting 2 months and it has not arrived.

We can't get the court hearing without this document, and though it's just a matter of time, right now, time is not our friend. With April getting further along in her pregnancy, we need to get those trans-Atlantic (and trans-Pacific) flights done soon. And if we can't get the court date before New Year's Eve, then we get hit by the holidays here (Christmas is a week after New Year's Day in Ukraine).

So last time we asked for prayer, you all prayed so hard that the Ukrainian Parliament broke out into a fight. Let's see what we can do with East Asia's Interpol office!

Very Hopeful News

Once we get back to Kiev and get our camera cords, we'll post a picture of our little girl! We're in Svalyava (Ukraine) right now, and just spent our second morning with her. A few hours after meeting her on Monday, we gave the official "Yes." There is still a lot of paperwork to do, and there is still a good bit of bureaucratic red tape to untangle, but hopefully it's just a matter of time. Best-case scenario, she'll be ours to keep on January 10th! After that, we'd still have a few days of paperwork at the US Embassy before we can return to the US.

So what is she like? A little over 3 years old, a gypsy, and very active! She has lived in the orphanage for most of the past 2 years.

She's delayed developmentally- she's just beginning to speak and she behaves more like an 18-month-old- but some of those things are typical for a child in an orphanage. The doctors and officials her say there's a good chance she will catch up to her peers once she is in a family. But there are no guarantees, so we had to decide whether we were ready to take her even if she doesn't develop much further. The speech delay may even help- she can begin with learning English!

We'll write more updates and post them once we get back to Kiev this weekend. Internet access is pretty hard to come by in Svalyava. In fact, Google maps doesn't even have the streets mapped out!

Prayer Requests:

-that God would continue to confirm in our hearts that this is the little girl he has prepared for us. It is encouraging when she recognizes us and seems happy to see us.
-housing during our time in Svalyaya. it's a small town and we don't have options for housing. we have one option, which effectively means they can charge us whatever they want. they told us there are no hotels in town. we have wonderful housing options in Kiev, but it's not near our daughter (so we wouldn't be able to visit her everyday). we're trying to decide what to do.
-finding fruits and vegetables for April (and baby #2) has been hard here. Rob's happy eating mashed potatoes and bread for every meal, but we'd like to be a little healthier. At the same time, we want to be sensitive to the limitations of this rural mountain community.

A Possible Answer to Prayer?

On a previous blog, we mentioned the proposal in the Ukrainian parliament to put a moratorium on adoptions. (this would possibly pause or end our adoption process)

Well, the vote had been postponed until December 24th. But - now it might be postponed even further. We're not sure yet, but considering the situation in the Parliament, I'd say there's a good chance.

The reason = a bloody brawl in the Ukrainian Parliament!

Here's what BBC News had to say:

"The clash came after a group of Mrs Tymoshenko's supporters had blocked the podium to protest at a corruption inquiry against her, which opened this week.About 40 Party of Regions MPs, loyal to President Viktor Yanukovych, and 30 opposition MPs were involved in the punch-up, the Ukrayinska Pravda news website reported.Correspondents say brawls are not unusual in the parliament, but this one was particularly violent."

Here's some video of the brawl (we didn't take this video...):

Prayer Requests (and some things for which we're thankful)

By way of prayer requests, here is an update:

April has been having some problems sleeping lately, and last night she had three separate nightmares that really upset her- please pray that God would calm and protect her.

On Sunday, we'll be traveling overnight to meet a little girl that we may end up adopting. Pray for us as we handle the usual risks of travel, and pray for April's health (and for baby #2).

Also, we've been hitting a lot of red tape- officials with ulterior motives, indifferent bureaucrats, etc. Pray for patience and wisdom as we (and our wonderful facilitator, Helen) work with these people.

Pray also for wisdom as we meet with this little girl. She is a little older than we had expected, and we're not sure how to make this decision. We need to be able to know that we will be able to meet her special needs while living overseas. We hope that we will know right away that this is the girl God has prepared for us.

If we do go forward, timing will become an issue. We're running into the New Year holiday as well as the Christmas Holiday (which is Jan 7th-9th), so getting all the paperwork we need and setting up the court date will take longer than usual :-/ We'll probably be here for another 3-4 weeks.

And here are a few things we are thankful for:
-Wonderful brothers and sisters in Kiev who have welcomed us, hosted us, and served us, though we were strangers only one week ago.
-Five cups of hot tea a day to keep us warm!
-No health problems so far.
-Rob has been able to find enough to eat, despite his allergies (Pierogies- yay!). Although at one buffet-style restaurant, we asked which foods had eggs, and an excited server replied, "Everything!"
-Our helpful facilitator, who has been working hard on our behalf.
-Some of the most incredible snowflakes we have ever seen. Huge! And they hold their shape for a few minutes after they land on you, so you can observe their amazing detail. Rob thinks it's like God saying a quiet hello.
-Being able to spend 24 hours a day together (April made me write that...)
-The hope that this adoption just might work out after all...

After the Big Day

They told us this would probably happen, but we hoped that we would be an exception. During prospective parents' first visit with adoption services in Ukraine, they are usually shown case files of the children with the most severe disabilities. The idea is that they want to see if anyone has a heart to take on the hardest cases. Living overseas, and with baby #2 already on the way, we don't believe it would be wise of us to take on such a challenge. So we had to say no to all of the files shown to us today :(

One small piece of good news is that our next appointment is Thursday afternoon (rather than sometime next week), and hopefully they will show us a different batch of files. It's getting harder to trust that God has our daughter ready for us here.

We appreciate your prayers for Thursday!

Arrival

Yes, faithful followers, we have arrived in Kiev. It is 1:30 a.m. here, and I am wide awake after 3 hours of sleep. It probably helps that I finally got our internet connection working- that always wakes me up. So a few random things:

-We're staying with some wonderfully generous people that we just met- friends of friends who are opening their home to us.

-We may not have regular internet access while here, if today is any example of that.

-We're looking forward to getting out and seeing the city tomorrow.

-One of our flights here was canceled, but we managed (at 430am in the airport) to get rescheduled so that we were only an hour late- pretty impressive!

-Monday, 10am Kiev time (3am, E.S.T.) is the big moment. We will go into the State Adoption Agency and look at files of available children. We really need prayer for this time. Our main prayer is that God will comfort our hearts during a potentially very stressful meeting and that he will prepare us for whatever awaits us. We're praying and hoping that they will show us a little girl that is perfectly suited to our situation, though everyone who has been through this says that it is highly unlikely to have that happen during the first appointment. If none of the children are suited to us, we have to wait another week before we can try again!

-Either way, here begins at least a month of unpredictability. Lord help us!

A long, long road with a good, good end...A very personal update from April

April wrote (but never published) this post a few days before we got the good news that we would be able to travel to Ukraine in mid-December to adopt our daughter. Here it is- a glimpse into where we were at a few weeks ago:

Well, we were hoping this update would be joyfully announcing a travel date to pick up our daughter in Ukraine. However, our hopes don't equal reality. Ukraine has delayed our process yet again. The biggest problem has been that we're the first people in history to live in China and adopt from Ukraine. Ukraine officials are baffled at why two Americans would ever choose to leave “the heaven on earth of America” to move to China and they aren't inclined to grant our request.

Right now, we are getting new forms filled out and mailing them to Ukraine. Our hope is that they will soon grant us a travel date. Our prayer is that they will grant us a travel date and that the travel date might be as early as December (which would be a true miracle) or even that it would be in January (also a miracle).

How are we doing with all this? Well, I stayed home and cried all day on Tuesday. I cried so much that Rob had to leave work, cancel plans, come home and comfort me. I'm even crying right now, as I write this. Rob is deeply sad, as well. But, he tries to stay strong for me. I think he waits to cry when I'm not crying, but that chance rarely comes.

Right now, we are waiting to hear if our daughter (that we have been praying for and thinking about for two years) is dead to us. It's as if there is a child in my womb and the doctors have told me to wait 3-4 weeks to find out if the child is alive. I walk around, carrying the child in my heart, but I'm not sure whether to prepare myself for disappointment or to hope for the best. I know I should “trust God,” but I'm not always sure what that looks like or how to do that. Sometimes when I try to trust God, it looks more like complacency or detachment.

A friend recently instructed me that all things that happen in life are “God's best for us.” He said that my trials are all God's best for me, even if I don't see that. I disagree. I think that life before the fall was God's best for us. I think that God is still sovereign and that he allows bad things to happen. I even think that he is able to use those bad things and bring good out of them. But, I do not believe that they are God's best for us. I do not believe that prolonged illnesses, death, sudden accidents, war, starvation, AIDS, child trafficking, forced prostitution, slavery, miscarriages, broken families....are God's best for us. I think we are blessed to see glimpses of the best in this life, but I hope that the best is still to come. I think we will experience God's best for us only after the complete fulfillment of all things. Until then, I think we are left to trust in God's sovereignty and ultimate plan.

I recently heard a line in a song by Waterdeep, a line that is sticking with me: “It's a long, long road, with a good, good end.” Maybe it's because I'm melancholy, but I find a lot of comfort in acknowledging the long road and hoping for the good end. I know we all have our own long roads. We really appreciate it when people share prayer requests with us, so please feel free to respond to this. When others share struggles with us, it often helps me to take the focus off of my own situation and remember that there are so many ills to be made right in this world (of course, it usually takes me about 1-2 days of self-pity to get to this point).

So a lot has changed since April wrote these words. We’re not at the end of the long, long road yet, but a lot of encouraging things have moved us closer to the good, good end. Please continue to pray that the process will go smoothly as we travel there in 10 days. And thank God for moving paperwork quickly and for securing a travel date that doesn’t conflict with baby #2.

Court Date- October 14th

This Thursday, October 14th, our adoption paperwork will officially be filed in a court in Ukraine. A few weeks after that, we will be given a travel date to meet and pick up our daughter.

Please pray that all would go well with the court date and that no unexpected problems come up.

Also, pray that the travel date would be EARLY. We've been told to expect late November/early December, but we're also hearing rumors it could be later. We're hoping for late November!