Lessons in Grace (or Why This Mama is Super-Proud of Her Little Girl)

It is much easier to show grace when you have previously experienced a need for grace. 

The Back-Story, Summer 2011

Last summer, Cosi was still pretty new to our family and had many lessons to learn on proper behavior.  One day, while I was waiting for Cosi to climb through a Chick-fila play place, I heard (from within the play-place) a little girl yell "that girl hit me."  I was pretty sure "that girl" was probably a confused Cosi, who didn't really know how to play with other kids and might have felt threatened by the little girl.  So, I climbed up into the play-place, found Cosi and brought her out.  As we were exiting, I heard the mother of the offended girl ask, "which girl hit you?" and I saw the accusing finger reach out in Cosi's direction. 

I was embarrassed and unsure of what to do.  What I really wanted was grace and understanding for Cosi.  For good and for bad, I constantly feel a need to defend and protect my little girl from a world that has not always treated her well.

As I glanced at the mother, I saw hatred in her eyes.  She was protecting her daughter and was waiting to watch me punish my daughter.  I apologized to the mother and daughter.  I offered a bit of an excuse by saying, "My daughter has just joined our family.  She's still learning."  I told Cosi to apologize and helped her to say she was sorry.

Then, I turned to Cosi.  I was planning to talk to her some more and have her sit on my lap to take a break and "think about" her behavior.  However, the little girl continued to stand next to us and stare at Cosi.  Her mom allowed her to do this (and actually stood back to watch, too).  It was like she wanted to say "haha, you're being punished and I'm going to watch!"  Cosi, not one to back down ever, then brought on my most embarrassing mom moment yet.  Cosi looked right into the girls eyes (the girl was about one foot away) and spit in the girl's face.    

At this point, the mother gasped.  With a horrified expression on her face, she whisked her daughter away and fled the play-place. 

Okay - don't worry, that's not why I'm proud of Cosi. 

Yesterday, Summer 2012

Yesterday, we were back at Chick-fila and in the play-place.  Cosi was trying to climb up the steps to get to the slide, but a two year-old boy blocked the way.  I saw him swing at her and knock her in the head.  Kids started yelling, "that boy's hitting people."  Cosi came down the steps and ran to me.  She was okay, so we went to find the little boy's parents. 

As the little boy's mom was talking to him, Cosi (always up for telling a good story) ran to tell Rob what had happened.  Rob asked her, "Did you forgive him for hitting you?"  Cosi thought about it and said, "no."  Then, she ran back to the boy and started yelling "Boy!  I forgive you!" 

And, here's where Cosi's parents get really proud.  Not only did Cosi forgive the boy, but she proceeded to invite him to play with her.  (He didn't really want to play with her, but that's not the point) 

As it turns out, this little boy just joined his family two months ago.  He is from Bulgaria and he's just now learning a few lessons on proper behavior. 

I was able to talk to his mom and encourage her.  The new mother is a bit frazzled and overwhelmed.  I knew the feeling. 

Cosi continued to follow the boy around and try to play with him.  She has a pretty strong mothering instinct in her and she was happy to reach out to the boy (whose name is Christian).  And, whether or not he appreciated it at the time, I think it was good for him to get some smothering extra loving from a well-meaning 4 year-old. 

Anyhow, this incident made me reflect on how we respond to people who hurt us.  Do we continue the cycle of hurt?  Do we rejoice in their pain or punishment?  Or - do we forgive them and reach out to them with grace? 

My little girl made the choice to forgive and I am super-proud of her :)

America the Uggle

Overheard yesterday in April's parents house (which, by the way, is in America)

Cosi: I want to go to (East Asian city where we once lived)
April: Really? Why?
Cosi: I don't want to go to America.
April: Why not?
Cosi: It's uggle (rhymes with "snuggle," Cosi's word for 'ugly')
April: America is ugly?
Cosi: yeah, we have to find another airplane.

I guess we never really thought much that Cosi might prefer East Asia.  Maybe once she gets to Disney World she'll change her mind.

Cosi's birth story, according to Cosi...

I was already large with child (Trey) when we adopted Cosi.  This has shaped her life.  She is obsessed with pregnant women.  She loves to touch their bellies, try to pull up their shirts (sorry!) and talk to them about their babies.

Then she tells them that their baby will 'come out.'  She likes to elaborate a bit on this.  Her knowledge comes from one picture of Trey that was taken 5 seconds after he emerged from my nether-regions.  He was covered in blood.  Cosi thought this was awesome, so awesome that she stared at it for 10 minutes the first time she saw it.  At that point, she wouldn't even watch an episode of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, so her tired mother might have been willing to let her look at the picture a few times a day.  She was really into it.  She even asked for it by name, "mama, Cosi see blood."  She might be a doctor or nurse someday.  Who am I to argue with the girl's desire to see blood?  In fact, as of yesterday, her new favorite show might be 'A Baby Story' on TLC, or at least the birth part of that story. 

Anyhow, as you might imagine, all this fascination with Trey's birth led to a desire to have her own story.  This was expressed by Cosi telling me, "Cosi born."  Trying to be as accurate as possible, here are some highlights of what we talk about...

You came out of a lady's belly.  You came out of mommy & daddy's heart.  She'll smile at us when she authoritatively tells us that she came out of our hearts.
When you came of of the lady's belly (by some mysterious process that she has yet to ask about), a doctor helped you.  You were soooo little, (and she was, about 3 lbs) but you were strong.  You were covered in blood, because all babies are covered in blood.  A nurse washed you and cleaned you.  You might have been cold, so the nurse wrapped you in a warm blanket.  If you were hungry, then the nurse gave you a bottle of milk.

Sometimes when we talk about her story, we cuddle her just like we would cuddle a baby.  We'll pretend to wash her with water.  We'll hold up a pretend bottle and she'll pretend to drink it.  She loves it. 

We're so sad that her birth mother missed out on raising such a precious little girl, but we're very thankful for this spunky gift from God in our lives :)