A Good Day

     Part of our late afternoon routine has become playtime in the backyard, usually me (Rob) and the kids.  This serves several functions- if Trey has not napped that day, it keeps him awake until bedtime.  If Trey HAS napped that day, it wears him out so there's a chance he'll go to bed before 10pm.  It gives the kids a lot of exercise, especially since their favorite activity is for the three of us to hold hands and run around the yard until we fall.  Or we pretend to be airplanes until trey decides where we land in one big heap.  And they usually spend a while doing one of their favorite things- digging in dirt.  Sometimes they write on the fence in chalk, which gives me time to study while sitting out there with them.  And usually it gives April time to make dinner, check facebook, or whatever.
     Today was different, though.  We did a little of the usual stuff, but most of the time (at least 45 minutes) we crammed inside the playhouse and talked about whatever was on Cosi's mind.  Cosi sat on my lap holding a ladybug she had found, which entertained her for 30 minutes straight, and Trey just kept peeking out the window at the clouds and diving into my arms for spontaneous hugs.  For 45 minutes.
     Today was a good day...

Kids Videos- Fall 2012, part 3

         Merry Christmas!  The kids both have the flu, and it turns out Cosi has a sinus infection to boot.  But they are now well-medicated, and this morning Cosi even woke up and said with a surprised and happy voice, "I'm not sick anymore!"  She is still sick, just not as bad as before.
         Anyway, I (Rob) have one more video to post before the flu claims me as its next victim.  When your sick kids crawl into your bed at night and wake you up by coughing on your face, you kind of know how the next week is going to play out.  For more thoughts on dealing with sick kids, see my earlier post on that topic.
          As for the video, a few weeks ago Cosi found a few caterpillars in our yard and adopted one or two.  Sadly, the story doesn't end well for the caterpillars, but in this video we can really see Cosi's tender heart for living things.

Videos- Fall 2012, part 1

Time for a few more videos (it's amazing what Rob gets around to when he doesn't have homework!).  April says I shouldn't post them all at once- she gave me a "2 videos per day" limit.   Today's videos of choice are a delightful peek at Cosi and Trey's sleeping habits followed by a look at the conversation surrounding Cosi's efforts to kill a moth. You may notice that at one point,Cosi refers to herself as "Mary." She started  doing that after learning the Christmas story at school.  Trey is Joseph (or "Jophes," in Cosi's version),by the way, and her toy cat is Baby Jesus...

Cosi's Christmas Dance

This year at Christmas, it was finally time for us to experience that parental rite of passage- the Christmas Pageant.  In our case, the girls of the church rehearsed weekly to prepare a dance for this past Sunday night's Church Variety Show.  We really weren't sure what Cosi was going to do once she got on stage, we just knew we wanted it on video.

To motivate her to go to the rehearsals, at some point April suggested that, after she danced, her Daddy might give her flowers.  Wow, did that ever work well.  Cosi talked about it almost every day: "My Daddy's going to give me flowers!"  Here she is in her angel outfit, holding her flowers:

The really sweet thing is that during the rest of the evening, Cosi slowly gave away most of her flowers to the other kids.  She even tried running on stage to give them to a monkey puppet that was telling the story of Christmas (he politely refused).  The remaining flowers are in a vase on a shelf, and Cosi is allowed to smell them any time she wants to.

And here is the video of the dance.  Our favorite part is when she notices a microphone and tries to talk into it.  And no, she's not supposed to be in the front row- she's supposed to be in the middle row.  But no choreography can contain Cosi...

 

America the Uggle

Overheard yesterday in April's parents house (which, by the way, is in America)

Cosi: I want to go to (East Asian city where we once lived)
April: Really? Why?
Cosi: I don't want to go to America.
April: Why not?
Cosi: It's uggle (rhymes with "snuggle," Cosi's word for 'ugly')
April: America is ugly?
Cosi: yeah, we have to find another airplane.

I guess we never really thought much that Cosi might prefer East Asia.  Maybe once she gets to Disney World she'll change her mind.

Kids' Chores- A Video

One thing you need to understand is that we never force our kids to do the things in this video. Especially for Cosi, doing housework is a kind of reward. "If you finish your dinner, you may help Mommy vacuum." "If you behave at church, you can wash dishes when we get home." She has pretty high inclusion needs and wants to do whatever she sees us doing. Apparently, we do a lot of housework. As for Trey, well, he wants to do whatever Cosi does.

Our Kids Make Us Smile

Fact: Trey loves to use a walker.
Fact: Trey is strong (for a baby).
Fact: Trey adores Cosi and will do just about anything for her.

Cosi is learning to take advantage of these facts:

One Year Ago Today

On December 20, 2010, we met Cosi for the first time!

Our precious little girl strolled into the meeting room like she owned the place. We quickly discovered her love for gloves and coats, as she snagged ours. We followed her around the room and asked ourselves Is this our daughter, the little girl that we had prayed for years to bring home? What we saw was a vivacious girl who wanted to play with anyone and everyone. Why are you all sitting there talking? She seemed to be thinking, We could be running around this room, exploring every corner of it!
After we chased her around for about 15 minutes (or, more accurately, Rob chased her around and a very pregnant April slowly followed), the orphanage director asked us, "Well? What do you think? Are you going to adopt her?" Rob immediately said "OK!" Then he looked at April to make sure he hadn't made such a big decision unilaterally. April said, "Yeah!"
Immediately after that, we were shuffled over to another room, where a Christmas performance was about to begin (and it is possible they were delaying the start of it until we arrived, since the orphanage director was with us). Cosi happily sat on April's lap, twice grabbing the hair bands from the hair of the girl sitting in front of her (a classic Cosi move that still comes out every now & then...). As St. Nicholas arrived to talk to the gathered children, we couldn't help but think that all three of us had already gotten the best Christmas gift possible that year. It would take another few weeks of paperwork, court dates, calls to East Asia's Interpol Office, a brawl in the Ukrainian Parliament, and a lot of other hurdles before Cosi was officially our daughter, but December 20th is the day we became a family in our hearts.

And - here she is now, her life has changed a lot in the past year and so has ours, for the better :)

Bible Stories with Cosi

"Grabbing Coins!"

That's how Cosi requests that we (again) tell her the story of the Good Samaritan. I really wish we could have filmed the first time she heard this story. After our success with the story of the Ten Shushus with Boo-boos, April suggested I tell another boo-boo story. About halfway through the parable of the Good Samaritan, Cosi started getting tears in her eyes. She was so concerned for this poor man that was bleeding and alone. She started asking if she could help. Then she started saying all the things she could do for him- rub his belly, feed him prunes (Trey was eating prunes at the time), rub his hair, give him chocolate, sing to him- basically anything that communicates love to Cosi. And so as she teared up, so did her mommy and daddy, who had never seen this compassionate side of her before. We joked that Cosi made the Good Samaritan look like a slacker. (Is that heresy?)

Well, it's been about a month and we tell the story at least 3-4 times a day. Cosi still interjects herself into the story, usually as the Good Samaritan. Sometimes, though, she comes in at the beginning and holds the man's hand while he walks on the road so that he's not alone when he gets attacked. Here's a little video of how the story usually goes, although we had a surprise ending this time- Cosi brought Jesus into the story for the first time!

Ten Shu-shus with Boo-Boos

"I have come to the conviction that if you cannot translate your thoughts into uneducated language, then your thoughts were confused."
-C.S. Lewis

Here is the story of Jesus and the ten lepers- the version we tell Cosi, who is somewhat obsessed with blood and injuries. We're trying to tell Bible stories using words she's familiar with and in concepts that are accessible to her:

There were 10 shu-shus ("shu-shu," remember, is 'uncle', how East Asian kids address men) with boo-boos. They had boo-boos all over their bodies, very bad boo-boos, maybe some of them were bleeding. They were very sad. They came to Jesus and said "Jesus, please help!" And Jesus said "Sure!" So he made their boo-boos all better and they were happy. But one shu-shu came back to Jesus and said, "Thank you, Jesus." He had a thankful, happy heart.

Our new life with kids, still trying to figure things out...

When it comes to meeting people for the first time, Cosi is amazing! As we walk around on campus, in our neighborhood, or anywhere, Cosi takes every opportunity to yell "hi shushu, hi ai-yi" at every passing person. She makes it easy for us to talk to them. She makes it easy for them to stop and talk to us. She welcomes them in and makes things less awkward, because we're all looking at and commenting on this silly little girl. She makes us all smile. It's a good start to meeting people.

Here's a picture of her after she weaseled her way onto someone's electric bike. She liked it, but she was well aware that she wasn't in the drivers seat. After this picture was taken, she quickly remedied that situation by climbing up on the forbidden seat. I was putting away the camera, so I didn't immediately respond to the potential danger. Cosi took advantage of my lack of response. With the speed of a thousand cheetahs (or one toddler), she reached up and grabbed that bike handle to rev the engine. Since the bike was on, it sped forward and my friend was forced to run beside Cosi until she regained control of the bike. Bless that friend for not letting go!

The second time we meet with people is not usually so easy. We're still trying to figure out what works best, but here's a real life example. Cosi demands 100% attention. She will go to great lengths to get that attention - some cute and some not so cute. As Cosi & I were meeting with these girls, Cosi refused to let me talk with them. She wanted every word out of my mouth to be directed at her. She grabbed my face, so I could only look at her. When I calmly told her that she needed to wait, she full on slapped me in the face. As I began to discipline her by forcing her to sit on a step for a minute, things went even more down hill with a good old fashioned tantrum.

After bringing her back over to play again, Cosi decided she wanted to play in the dirt/pavement pebbles. She loves playing with dirty stuff like that and I'm always torn about letting her. It's culturally unacceptable and it's just plain gross, but I guess urine covered rocks have never killed anyone?? Or - have they? I'm not sure.

Anyhow, this tired mother decided to let her play. I majorly regretted it.

Here's a picture of my two new friends with Cosi. They were so sweet as they watched her play. It made me want to take a picture and this is that picture.

What you don't see is what happened immediately after this picture was taken. Cosi turned around, laughed mightily, and threw a big handful of little pee pee rocks straight into my face & mouth. I guess my mouth was open? I should work on breathing through my nose. Unlucky me.

I paused. I probably took a deep breath as I tried to regain control of the situation. I spit the filth out of my mouth and I chose to lovingly discipline my daughter, yet again.

I'm always curious about what my East Asian friends think of how we parent our kids. I'm always aware of them watching me, which is good in that it encourages me to remain calm and patient. Depending on what their own homes looked like, it might also be good for them to see another style of parenting. A style that is (hopefully) based in grace. In this case, they were able to see a mother attempting to set aside her own anger & even embarrassment. They saw a mother who didn't just let the offense pass, but instead attempted to use both truth and grace as she reprimanded and forgave her daughter's sinful behavior. My hope is that through those actions my friends will see the love of God for his children, and that I might be able to have a future conversation with them on that very topic.

Comparisons and the Insecure Daddy

It's hard for me to watch people's reactions to Cosi. She's developmentally delayed- physically, mentally and emotionally. So when I see other parents reacting to her misbehavior, or when I see the concerned looks when she is obviously not acting like a 'normal' 4 year-old, I feel defensive.

April, too, feels defensive, but she feels defensive of Cosi, which is a lot better than what I tend to feel. I feel defensive of myself as a parent. Especially in East Asia, where I need to be the primary communicator for our family, I end up being quick to explain to everyone that Cosi is adopted, that she was in an orphanage for 3 years, that she has been in our home for only 9 months, and that she is really doing very well, considering all that she has going against her.

I want people to know that I really am a good parent and that when my daughter hits a child who gets too close to her, it's not because she's mean but because she's scared. She doesn't understand or answer most of the questions people ask her in English (let alone in East Asian) and that doesn't mean she's rude or stupid or that I'm slacking in teaching her. She's only been learning these languages for a few months! And usually she's just so happy to be around people that she can't focus on what they're saying. So I overexplain and try to justify my child, lest someone think less of me because of her.

And it is hard to watch other 4 year-olds (and even 3 year-olds) and notice the ways in which Cosi is delayed. Sometimes, though, the comparisons are helpful. I tend to blame all her problems on her history, but sometimes she's just being a normal 4 year-old! Four year-olds grab toys, disobey, refuse to eat, make messes, and act...well...childish. As April sometimes jokingly reminds me when I'm disciplining Cosi for something petty, "You're right Rob, how DARE she act like a little kid!"

*Sigh*

So it looks like I'm projecting my perfectionist tendencies onto my daughter. It looks like my struggles with grace and the gospel will continue to affect those I love. It looks like Cosi will suffer for my insecurities.

She really is doing well. Every day I need to pray again that God would enlarge my heart to accept and love her as she is, even if this is as far as her development goes. And day by day I'm encouraged by the growth we see, but afraid that this is as far as it will go. So the next step is to learn how to stop giving a hoot about what other people think of my daughter (and of me as a parent) and remember to show grace to my daughter...and to myself.

Birthday - Part 1

Happy Birthday Cosi! We love you and we're so thankful to have you as our daughter :) Let the celebration begin!

Cosi's birthday started with a nice cup of tea...



















only a little bit spilled...



\









and, then onward with the painting of nails...













Trey wants in on the action!













Cosi & Daddy went for a walk outside. Check out Cosi's sweet new boots! They're great for walking up & down 4 flights of stairs :)



















If it's your birthday, then you're pretty much guaranteed a ride on one of these!















Then, Cosi & Trey watched Mommy shower. Or - maybe Trey just watched Cosi (his favorite person in the world). This is the view from the shower.
















Then, we took Cosi to an indoor playplace and this is how she feels about getting her picture taken. I took a lot of pictures anyway. It's my daughter's 4th Birthday. I'm going to take some pictures.



























Zip Line



















Cosi decided it was more fun to let go mid-ride.



















Trey wanted in on the action.













Cosi sure does like hanging out with boys. Notice how she brushes her hair back in the picture. It's her classic "I'm flirting" gesture.














But, she still makes time to shoot the air cannon with her daddy!













Look! There's a good target! Let's shoot him and see if he can still sit up by himself :)



















After the playplace, we stopped by Dairy Queen for a Blizzard. The Blizzard Machine was broken, so we got this!














A serious eater, but she's still happy to share...




















Then, back to business...













As we exited DQ, we met some new friends. We're always happy to cozy up to law enforcement. And - Cosi was promptly gifted a milk drink.














Trey was complimented for his enormous size and big eyes.














Then, we came home and ate a Ukrainian style meal. I made some potato dumplings and stuffed cabbage leaves. Cosi didn't like it very much, so we ended up feeding her goldfish crackers, a cheese stick and some mandarin oranges. I guess all the American food has gotten to her. We sat in our living room, because our dining room table was covered with stuff and I was too tired to clean it off. Plus, Cosi likes trying new things, so it was a good choice.













We forgot to take a picture of Cosi blowing out her candles on her cupcake. This is the first time we've been the parents during a birthday, so we're still learning. Thankfully, we're having a party for her tomorrow and we promise to do better. Here is a picture of the smashed cupcake after Cosi had her way with it.














Happy Birthday Cosi!!!! Let the Birthday weekend continue!!!!

One Birthday Coming Up!!!

Cosi turns 4 this Friday, October 21st! She has no idea what this means, but we're excited for her :)

Pictures will follow, but here are some of the birthday plans:

-Cupcakes with butterfly decorations on top (made with candy brought from USA) - I predict Cosi will love picking off the candy. Then, she'll pick apart the cake and get it all over the floor and maybe a little on the table. She'll have a great time. If we're lucky, that skinny-minny might even eat some of the cupcakes. More likely, her mother will be eating cupcakes for breakfast every day next week. Yes, I am that undisciplined. I'd put them in the freezer to discourage myself, but then I'd just eat frozen cupcakes. Did I mention that her father is allergic to eggs??? and, therefore he will not be indulging in said cupcakes.
-Birthday Pictures at an East Asian photo studio - Trey will join in this endeavor, as he is now 6 months old. Seriously, pictures will be posted as soon as we get them. This could be hilarious.
-Cosi will be trying out a new dance class on Saturday. If it works out, we will be paying the big bucks and getting her a membership. She doesn't have any other outlets for organized activities, so I think this might be really good for her. It might also be really hard for the rest of the class, especially the teacher. We'll see... I'm preparing for the possibility of being kindly asked never to return, which is guaranteed to be much harder on me than on my happy little girl.
-A small birthday party on Saturday - I might be attempting to make Ukrainian food for the party. Originally, Rob & I decided to buy pizza from a restaurant (seemed like the easiest thing to do), but then I remembered that Cosi doesn't like pizza as much as Rob & I do. And - it's her birthday, right? Cosi likes mashed potatoes, hot dogs, oranges, yogurt... So, now I'm rethinking food for the party. I'll keep rethinking it until, oh maybe Saturday morning, or hopefully Friday night. Either way, we'll be eating Borscht sometime this week!

We are so thankful for our little Cosi girl! Here she is after pulling all of her clothes out of the cabinet and rolling around on them. What can I say? She likes clothes.

Overheard in Our Home

Lately, we've been trying to improve Cosi's ability to identify and speak about emotions.

Cosi, pointing to a cartoon character on TV: "Angry."
Rob: "No, not angry. Scottish."

kiddie rides and giving...

The other day, while we were exploring our neighborhood, we passed a convenience store with 2 of those kiddie rides out front. You know what I'm talking about, right? Those large rides shaped like cartoon characters that will jerkily move your child back and forth while playing a poorly recorded kids song, all for the bargain price of less than a quarter. Well, Cosi just loves those rides and begs Daddy for a coin whenever she sees one. And she wants to ride them again and again until Daddy runs out of either coins or patience.
So the other day, when she ran over to the rides and asked for a coin, it was no surprise. While she was riding, a local 2 year old boy came over and climbed onto the ride next to Cosi. Neither he nor his grandmother had any coins on them, but no problem- most kids here are content to just sit on the ride, even if it doesn't move.
Cosi, on the other hand, started asking for another coin before her ride ended. It seemed like she was making a preemptive request to keep her ride going. But much to our surprise, Cosi took the second coin and reached over to the boy on the other ride, giving it to him to use for his ride. We were awestruck- where did she learn that? We were so proud of our little girl and her kind heart.
In the interest of full disclosure, we should mention that in that same week, we bought some fruit to give to local beggars on the street, and Cosi refused to surrender her bag of fruit once we got to the beggars. She had to be "helped" to share that time. I guess that's just a picture of us all- growing in grace, but still inconsistent. Don't judge us by our worst moments, but neither should you judge us by our best. In the end, though, the beggars got fruit, the boy got a coin, and Cosi (we hope) grew a little bit more into a generous, caring young lady

Some Videos About Cosi and Food

As many of you know, our return to East Asia is upon us- we're in the midst of our packing frenzy (which includes last-minute trips to Target and Costco) and are trying to convince Cosi that she is really excited to ride on an airplane for 15 hours.

For those of you in East Asia who haven't seen Cosi since we left in July. here's a little video showing off Cosi's improvement in speaking English- she really has grown a lot this summer! Be ready for a chatty little girl who still wants everyone to hold her. And for those of you who have heard rumors and legends about some of Rob's eating habits in college, this video is proof that Cosi may be taking after her daddy in that respect.



And since we're on the topic of food, here is a funny moment from this weekend, after Cosi had helped April mix the batter for some cupcakes. Once the cupcakes were ready, Cosi wanted to know what happened to the eggs...



And one last anecdote for which we don't have a video- last week we visited a farm, which was terribly exciting for Cosi, who got to sit on a horse's back, touch some pigs, look at cows and llamas, and (most exciting of all) finally pet a cat. Ever since her visit to the petting zoo, Cosi has been a little cow-obsessed, and the night after the visit to the farm, we just so happened to be having steak for dinner. Cosi, filling her belly with green beans, wanted nothing to do with the steak. Then one clever parent asked, "Cosi, do you want to bite a cow?" Her eyes lit up with excitement. "Bite cow?!" she squealed. Yes, of course she wanted to bite a cow! The next 10 forkfuls of steak disappeared as quickly as she could chew them. Now if only we could figure out a way to explain tofu...

Remembering...

We took the kids to the grave site for the first time. I'm sure it'll be the first of many times. This was a quick visit, but in the future we hope to be able to tell our kids all about their grandpa Bob and grandma Patty. Oh, how excited Bob & Patty would have been to meet their grandchildren! We're pretty sure they would have loved seeing Cosi run around to the different graves and try to pull up the flowers...

They would have loved Cosi's vibrant personality and how she shares the same skin color as her grandma. They would have been thrilled to welcome Trey and see him carry on the Edenfield name. Cosi was asking if she could cook today- we're sure Patty would have loved to teach her some Lebanese dishes. And we can only hope that Bob's fix-it ability (which seemed to run strong in the Edenfield line until it got to Rob) has skipped only one generation and will show up in Trey, so he can help his Mom and Dad around the house.

We could have told them about how Trey found his tongue this week. It makes us laugh so much. Or maybe we would have told them about how Cosi keeps saying "umm....ummm..." just like mommy and daddy unknowingly say it multiple times a day. It's really hard not to have them around. Rob wishes he could ask them for advice as he's learning to be a parent. I wish they were here to love our kids. It still feels like there's a void in our lives. I imagine it will always feel that way.

Summer in the 'Burbs- in Pictures

It's a summer of firsts- Trey's first time in the US, Cosi's first time in a pool, first trip to the beach, etc. And like all good parents, we've got our cameras handy for all those moments, as well as the mundane ones. Here's a few snapshots of life in the States this summer (as always, remember that you can click on a picture to enlarge it).

Cosi's day almost always includes a walk through the neighborhood. One in the morning and one in the evening, whenever possible:


















Cosi really likes it when the whole family goes on a walk. She either pushes a baby doll stroller or tries to "help" Mommy push Trey's stroller.
















Cosi really likes to 'help'. Laundry, vacuuming, carrying groceries- yesterday at the mall she offered to help an employee push a cart of merchandise. She was politely refused.

An almost daily part of Cosi's routine is helping Mommy or Nana water the flowers. (Truth be told, Cosi usually ends up as wet as the flowers...)























Trey got a nice big gift from Mommy and Daddy (OK, who are we kidding, the gift was for ourselves as well!)- a bouncy seat! At first he wasn't too sold on the idea:
















But he warmed up to it:
















And now he plays in it so much, we're worried about it getting water damage from all his drool!
















An essential part of every sunny day is a dip in the pool. For weeks before arriving in the US, we were trying to prepare Cosi for the swimming pool, but how do you explain that in terms she can understand? We opted for telling her about the "big bath outside," since baths and being outside are two of her favorite things. She took to the pool like, well, like a fish in water. The challenge is that she will try to jump in the water even when she doesn't have floaties on. After a few trips to the deep end (Rob, April, and Pawpaw have all taken turns jumping in to pull her out), we now have a "floaties on before you leave the house and until you get back inside" policy.


















However, our little extrovert does not like to be the only one swimming. If you even think about sitting poolside, she'll insist "Mommy jump? Please? Daddy Jump! Push Daddy!" (She likes to 'push' Daddy in the pool, a fun activity we probably shouldn't encourage.)


















For Cosi, no day is complete without a bath, and last week she got a particularly special bath- she got to share one with Trey! guess which of the kids was more excited about that idea:
















A number of people have asked how Cosi is dealing with having a baby brother. The short answer is that she's doing very well. She loves him and is fascinated by him. She likes to bring him toys, pretend to feed him (mimicking how Mommy feeds him), she tries to make him laugh, and she always wants to hold him. She still has moments of jealousy, but overall she's becoming a great big sister. Trey, overall, really likes his sister. He is fascinated by her, and yet he also has a healthy fear of her (she's quite unpredictable and is prone to sudden ear-piercing squeals).























Shortly after arriving in the US, we were treated to a beach vacation. On the way down to the beach, we spent some time with family in Newport News, and Trey got to hang out with his "twin cousin":
















The beach was exciting, and Cosi certainly turned a few heads:


















Trey, too, got to spend some time on the shore and seemed to enjoy it:


















While at the beach, Cosi really, REALLY enjoyed riding on and driving the golf cart around the resort (more on that another time- a true cross-cultural experience). The problem is that ever since then, Cosi has wanted to drive every vehicle she sees. I thought I had at least 10 more years before she started bugging me to give her the keys to the car!


















And what is more suburban American than running through a sprinkler in the summer?









































In our next post, we'll share about our recent trip to that great American summer tradition- the County Fair! (Cosi + Roller Coaster + Deep Fried Twinkie = ?)