The World is a Dangerous Place

I never realized it until I had kids, but the world is a dangerous place. I think this is a little more true in East Asia, but I'm sure it holds true everywhere. Suddenly I see injury, illness, or expensive doctor visits around every corner. Even the street I have lived on for three years, which has always been quaint in a mindless urban frenzy type of way, is suddenly a gauntlet through which I would only walk my child if I had no other choice.

Vigilance, tiring vigilance is my only setting when we go out.

I have a 3 1/2 year old with no sense of danger. Did you ever hear about the time she happily ran towards an angry dog that was easily taller than her? She ran full speed at it, both of them barking all the way. Thank God for fences and instinctive daddy reflexes. Or what about the dog in the park whose whiskers she yanked? Fortunately, the creature was so stunned I had time to scoop up my curious little girl and carry her out of harms way. She will run towards cars, wild beasts, flames, and 26-story ledges. Even during these few precious weeks of spring breezes our balcony door stays shut...Courage and ignorance often look the same.

And if that wasn't enough, we have a newborn who has been given absolutely no means of self-defense. No means, that is, except his parents. Trash dropping on the sidewalk from 5 stories up, bicycles carrying mountains of precariously balanced furniture, cigarette ash being flicked every which way...what can little Trey do? Squint, cry, and bury his head in my shoulder, that's what.

It's funny- nothing in my world has changed except that it now contains 2 adorable little lives for which I am responsible. And that changes the whole world.

The BIG Poo

Well, Trey didn't poop on any strangers, but he sure did drop a load on himself (and a bit on me)...

Here's the damage!


Obviously, I gave the boy a bath ASAP! I promise he doesn't always look this alarmed.


Trey gets a little nervous being in the bathtub by himself. He likes his mama to stay close, so I crouch in front of him (with a strategically placed washcloth protecting me from a pee pee surprise). This kind of reminds me of Cosi's first 2-3 baths, when she was afraid of the water. By her 4th bath, she became quite pro-bath and that hasn't changed. In fact, I expect her to love the BIG bath tub this summer (aka Nana and Pawpaw's pool)!

Sickness and the Selfish Daddy

I can't decide which I prefer:
1) I'm healthy but my kid has a cold, which inevitably becomes:
2) We both have a cold, which then becomes:
3) My kid is healthy but I still have a cold.

I may selfishly prefer stage 1, because I like being healthy and because it's a lot easier to care for a kid when you don't feel like you're living on a carnival ride.

But in stage 2 we kind of had this camaraderie through commiseration thing going on.

I think stage 3 is just around the corner, and it's not going to be pretty.

Just to be fair, April hasn't been out of the picture all this time. She's been doing a lot these days, but she is still healing and shouldn't be the one having to care for all of us right now. (Anyone remember the last few days of when we had our foster baby and April ended up caring for the baby AND me because I got dysentery?)

Also, Cosi has now learned to say "tissue," "wipe," "orange juice," and "blech" (blech is the sound I make when I feel sick). She's also thrilled that she gets to wash her hands a lot these days. Seriously, this girl would be happy if life consisted of nothing more than washing her hands, brushing her teeth, sweeping, mopping and vacuuming the floor, and taking a bath, plus the occasional trip outside.

We Just Couldn't Resist

These are from a few weeks ago, just for fun.
OK, that sounded too much like it was a spontaneous thing. No, we've been planning this since we found out April was pregnant. We both had the same idea and have been eagerly awaiting the day when we could take these pictures...

Trey was a little freaked out by it all:













And Cosi, as usual, just loved trying something new...and the chance to play on Mommy and Daddy's bed:













Cosi, unperturbed. Trey...quite perturbed.













Both of them peaceful for a moment:













But Cosi just couldn't hold in the giggles:

Grabby Hands

While I'm feeding Trey, I have time to type up an embarrassing story about Cosi :) I would type up a story about Trey, but he doesn't do much yet...maybe he'll poop on someone tomorrow....I'll let you know if he does.

The other day an East Asian friend was visiting at our home. Cosi, in typical extrovert fashion, squealed in delight to see my friend and promptly asked for my friend to pick her up. My friend complied, while I (the worrisome mother) started looking for what Cosi might grab.

Here are some of the items on my mental checklist:
Glasses - none
Earrings - none (so thankful b/c Cosi grabbing big earrings and ripping them out of ears is a big fear of mine)
Hearing Aids/Ear Phones/Phones/Other?
Hair Bands or Clips - Uh Oh, sure enough there was a hair band

Now that I've spotted the hair band and Cosi is within range, I have to debate what to do. Should I warn the person? Will that just alert Cosi to the presence of the hair band? Should I pre-emptively instruct Cosi not to touch the hairband? Is that just me not trusting my daughter and giving her a chance to obey on her own?

As I think it over, Cosi acts. Her hand quickly became securely lodged in the ponytail of my friend. She was not been able to pull the hairband out, because my sweet friend had her hand on top of Cosi's hand and was preventing the completion of the pull.

Shoot Shoot Shoot. I'm the mother. What should I do? So, I said "No Cosi, Let go." I said it again and again. This didn't work. Our little girl is nothing, if not determined. I grabbed Cosi's hand and squeezed it. I said, "let go" again. Cosi might have grabbed on harder. Not only that, but Cosi had a slight hold on the hair band and was pulling on my friend's hair in an attempt to get the band. My friend was flinching in pain. I became frantic. In the moment, I thought maybe I could shock Cosi into letting go. I might have smacked her on the back of the head a little (not too hard, just hard enough to make me embarrassed that I did this). Cosi didn't budge. (which makes me even more embarrassed b/c my "shock her into letting go plan" was stupid and didn't even work) At this point, I froze. I had no idea what to do. I revert to telling Cosi to "let go," while still keeping my hand over Cosi's hand and trying to lessen her pulling ability. This retains the same level of effectiveness as before = none. Finally, my friend tells me to step back and let go. We let Cosi pull out the hair band, because Cosi is stronger than two adults and we have no choice. However, after it's out, I promptly take the hair band away from Cosi and put her in the "naughty chair" for a minute to "think over her wrongdoing."

If anyone has advice on how to stop (or slow down) grabby hands, I'm open to it! This situation happens everyday, except usually she has already grabbed what she wants before I can try to stop her.

Sleep and the Sinful Daddy

I have mixed emotions about last night. Cosi slept through the night. But I think the cold medicine had a lot to do with it :-/

Each week, Cosi sleeps through the night about twice. Another 2 or so nights, she wakes up once or twice, but only long enough for me to put her back to bed. Then there are usually several nights a week where she wakes up every 20-30 minutes over the course of 3 hours. Often she is screaming, like she's having nightmares. Since nature hasn't equipped me to handle Trey's needs when he wakes up at night, I leave him to April, which means Cosi is my night-time responsibility.

I always pictured myself as the kind and sympathetic father, who at all hours would go and comfort my daughter, rocking her back to sleep. Sometimes, I am alike that. But sometimes, it is 3 a.m., I haven't slept yet that night, I know that her brother will be awake in 2 hours, and I'm grumpy. (I also have a theory that Cosi and Trey telepathically communicate to make sure that one of them is awake at all times...) That's when my sleepy, muddled mind justifies standing at her door and sternly telling my crying child to "Go back to sleep." Yeah, Rob, good one. Do you think she is standing there sniffling through tears thinking, "What am I supposed to do now? I'm sleepy, it's dark, there's my bed. What should I do? Won't some stern, unsympathetic voice please give me a command?"

[side note: For those who haven't had a toddler, you may be inclined to think, as I once did, that any child who is awake for much of the night is bound to make up for it by sleeping some during the day. You would be suffering from false hope if thought that. For Cosi, there is absolutely no correlation between sleepless nights and nap days.]

But then there are moments that remind me why I need to ignore that base desire to intimidate my child to sleep. The other night, sometime around 2 a.m., she was up for the dozenth time that night, and I was holding her in my lap, slowly rocking her until she stopped crying. I checked to see if her eyes were closed, and in the dim light from next room, I could see that her eyes were wide-open...and she was smiling. She looked up at me, pulled her thumb from her mouth, and whispered a happy "Hi!" She went to sleep not long after that...but then she woke up 20 minutes later- just long enough for me to get back in bed and start to doze off.

Later that same night/morning, she woke up crying and told me she wanted food. I have a big bag of individually wrapped bread rolls for just such an occasion. She asked me to unwrap the roll, and then, rather than eat it, she lay it in front of her on the bed, so she could look at it while she slept. Last night she did the same thing with a carrot stick. I've read that adopted children sometimes live in fear that they will not get their next meal. It helps to have food nearby, even if they're not hungry. How sinful and selfish do I need to be to try to bully a child like that into going back to bed quickly just so I can get to sleep?

Of course, I'm saying all this with the clarity of a full 6 hours of sleep behind me...

Different or Wrong?

Every family here has stories of cross-cultural differences when it comes to raising children. Different cultures have different ways of bringing up their kids, differences that appear at every stage of life. In East Asia, a lot of these differences spring from a more communal view of raising children. Some things are cute (and welcome): waitresses in some restaurants here like to take your kids and play with them while you eat. Some differences are well-intentioned but stressful- like the people who will walk up to my child and stick some unidentified object in her mouth.

And then there's this: while April was out shopping for some vegetables today, she had Cosi with her in a stroller. (Hey, if she's not able to take her out to play yet, she can at least take her out!) Cosi would much rather be out running than be strapped into the stroller, and she's not shy about making her preferences known.

While April was looking at the wares spread out before her, she was comforted by the knowledge that our daughter was strapped in and wouldn't be running into the street, especially since April is still in no shape to be chasing anyone. Then, when April next glanced at the stroller, Cosi was gone. A middle-aged woman passer-by saw Cosi struggling to get out and decided that, if the child wants out, let her out! Without consulting or even telling April, she unstrapped our three-year-old, who happily ran off.

Fortunately, rather than run into the street or off into any one of the nearby neighborhoods, or even grab the temptingly available watermelon cleaver, Cosi ran straight to the kiddie ride in front of a nearby storefront. Then April had to play the bad guy who straps her back into the stroller, while Cosi's liberator explains to the clearly novice mother, "But she wants out!"

So...is it different, or wrong?

Snaggletooth

Well, our first major (but not too major) accident has occurred. Cosi tripped while walking up some concrete steps and did a face-plant. Bye-bye 1/2 of her front tooth! We rushed her to the dentist, only to have them tell us to come back on Thursday and see the pediatric dentist. Of course, it did cost us $100 to get that bit of news. Thankfully, the root doesn't seem to be affected and Cosi is not in any pain. However, we need to have the dentist file it down to protect Cosi from the jagged edges. We'll see how Cosi does with the dentist and the drill on Thursday. Prayers are appreciated.

And, of course, here's a picture of our girl (click on the picture to see it better). She's still smiling.

Nana came to visit!!!

May God bless my mother who braved jet lag and paid the big bucks to fly over and visit with her two newest grandkids (and us)! Her visit also allowed Rob to get a much needed break from taking care of his family. He was able to fly to another city in East Asia and participate in a seminary class, but more importantly he got 4 full nights of sleep and at least 3 uninterrupted meals a day. (the meal part being especially important after we realized Rob lost 20 lbs in the past month, apparently he was taking care of everyone but himself) So now I want to know - when do I get my break? :)

Here are some pictures from Nana's time in East Asia!














Every time someone came over to our apartment, Cosi would proudly say "Nana" to our guest. (as if to let them know that Nana is here) You may notice Cosi is sitting on a scale in the above picture. We've become inventive with ways to get her to sit still for pictures.




















Trey is always happy to have a good meal, so he welcomed Nana by giving her a chance to feed him. (Thank you mom for the pump!)















Cosi & Nana bought fruit together.

And - one of my favorite pictures :) Nana gave Trey a bath! Trey - what do you think of your first bath???



















No, really - what do you think???

That boy has some suspicious eyes. He trusts no one ;) Of course, he was in a rather vulnerable position...

Yay for Nana's visit! We wish she could have stayed longer!

Trey's First Passport Photo

Tomorrow (Tuesday) we have an appointment at the US Consulate in our city so that Trey can get a "Consular Report of Birth Abroad". Essentially, that means he gets an official document much like a birth certificate but also much cooler. His real birth certificate is East Asian, and for some reason that is not broadly accepted on official documents in the US. Also at the consulate, we will be applying for Trey's first passport, which presents an interesting question: How do you get a passport photo for a 3 1/2 week old baby? Watch and learn:



The guy at the photo center kept saying that he had never before photographed a child that young. The previous record-holder was 3-months old. Here's the final product: