Redemption Works Slowly (Rob's Meditations)

I am touched and, honestly, a little surprised at the number of people who comment to me how they enjoy following Cosi's story and are encouraged by the beautiful picture of redemption that it paints. It's not that I don't think the story is beautiful or redemptive. The problem, I think, is that I'm still too deep in the story to see it for what it is. Most people are only exposed to the tidbits we find time to share on our blog or over email. A few people are close enough to us that they get a much fuller picture, and a few even join in Cosi's story themselves.

So while most people get to see the big picture and little else, I often struggle to see beyond the daily frustrations and disappointments. I seldom have time, especially these past few weeks, to consider the beauty of what is going on. I'm more consumed by failed efforts at potty training, figuring out how and when to discipline, and trying to dodge toys aimed at my head (or block the ones aimed for Trey). I daily (sometimes hourly) come face to face with her rebellion, stubbornness, and outright sinfulness so much that I'm blind to what it is all about. I feel like I'm missing the forest for the fleas. But really, that's not the case. The missteps, frustration and pain are an essential element of any redemptive story. It's not, "If I could just see past all these problems, I'd see the beauty." Rather, it's "When I see these problems for what they really are, only THEN do I see the beauty."

Now, as a father and theologian, I am in fact obligated to draw a parallel between this and the great story of the redemption of God's people. It's not that hard to do, though. I'm so caught up in my own daily frustrations, challenges, failures and difficulties that I fail to see how they're a part- a crucial part- of my redemption. What makes God's love for me so beautiful and shout-out-loud amazing is that it takes into account my missteps, tantrums, doubt, and rebellion. God's love knows that I am going to continue to live like an unloved orphan for a long time, that I won't immediately get used to being the beloved child of a Good Father. Redemption works slowly, and if it didn't, it wouldn't be as beautiful. But redemption also works inevitably, and if it didn't, we'd be hopeless.

So please, feel free to remind me that Cosi's story is beautiful. I need to hear it, maybe as much as I need an occasional babysitter and full night's sleep.

Cosi Pictures

Now that you've seen how our little boy is growing, here are some pictures of Cosi's recent adventures. Some of the best Cosi moments of the past weeks are difficult to capture on camera. For example, she has learned to say "Sorry," but she tends to angrily or threateningly scream it at the top of her lungs when she's being punished. She gets the word, not the concept. But for now, here are some of the more visible adventures of the little girl who is working so hard to learn a new language or two and a new culture or two, and who is laughing her way through a lot of it.

These first pictures have a back story. There is a little restaurant in town that specializes in chocolate desserts. For several months, April has been trying to get there with Cosi. Unfortunately, the first time they tried was a Monday, the day the store doesn't open for business. The second time they tried was during a holiday week. Again, closed for business. Finally, April got some chocolate cake to go and shared it with our ever-eager-for-treats Cosi:




Cosi was not quite so happy with her first ice cream of the summer. It started out OK, but she really didn't like when ice cream melted on to her hands. She gets so distracted that she can't eat, then more ice cream melts, she gets more upset, and the cycle continues:


Cosi is getting really great at mimicking us. After watching April get out of the shower and wrapping a towel around herself, Cosi ran to her room and returned with a blanket and insisted that Daddy help her wrap it around her like Mommy did. She also wanted to try a towel in her hair, just like Mommy.


Cosi likes being involved in every part of our daily life. She wants to help load and unload the washing machine, hang the laundry on the balcony to dry, wipe the floors, vacuum, and even cook. Most of the time, Cosi's "help" just creates more work. Or it means April has to cook with one hand:

Cosi's hair is finally getting long enough to play with! The orphanage always kept her hair super short, so she's excited to actually have hair, and April is excited to be able to put things in Cosi's hair. Nothing lasts more than 2 minutes, but it's fun while it lasts. Here are Cosi's first pig tails:

It's the rainy season, and that means a few weeks of mostly rainy weather, which means Cosi gets a little stir crazy. But at least once or twice, we put on the rain boots and take her out to play. One area in our neighborhood has particularly poor drainage and it becomes a big puddle 2-3 inches deep. We let Cosi go wild,only stopping her when she tried to drink the water!



And finally, the picture that was banned from facebook (seriously). For our last 2 weeks in town, we had to move into the apartment of some generous friends who are on furlough. Our landlady refused to extend our rental contract an extra 2 weeks. Anyway, our first morning in our temporary home, Cosi was being unusually quiet and content after she woke up. We checked in on her, only to find that she had located a tube of "Butt Paste" (for helping avoid diaper rash) and used it like lotion (she loves soap and lotions). So Cosi got to start her day with a shower, which for her is a dream come true. And her skin has been unusually well-hydrated since then...

Trey Pictures

He sits in a chair by himself these days....no big deal...

Just in case you didn't read the shirt, let it be known! Best. Baby. Ever.

Chilling in my split pants (which make diaper changing "oh so easy")

Gotta love the rear view :)

The internet speed here is so slow...

I mean REALLY slow!

My parents are jerks! Why won't they spring for the high speed so I can stream HD videos?

Whose team is Trey on?

and the rear view b/c he is "freakin awesome!"

Hope you aren't tired of all our pictures :)

Bureaucracy

it seems we are destined to have bureaucratic problems at every step of our life with kids. We never mentioned it on the blog, but a few weeks ago, when we picked up Trey's passport, it had misidentified him as female. The paperwork we filled out was correct, they just goofed. Sound familiar? Anyway, it was no biggie. We just had to wait another 3 weeks to get the correct passport.

Ah, but then the fun part begins. Foreign children born in East Asia are given an automatic 30 day "visa." The parents have one month to get a passport and new visa for the child. We only need a visa so that he can legally EXIT the country at the end of June.

With April stuck in bed for 2 weeks after the birth (and still physically weak from blood loss even after that), we couldn't apply for a passport until several weeks after Trey was born (both parents must be present to apply for a passport). So we were already pushing it.

But we thought, "Hey, no problem. They have to understand that we don't even have a passport for him, so we can't get a visa, right?" No. There's a reason that the most common adjectives associated with "bureaucracy" are "cold" and "heartless."

At the first visa office, they wouldn't even look at our application after seeing the date on his birth certificate. They sent us to another office where the annoyed man dismissively commanded me to go to "the other office" to pay a fine, without telling me what office he meant. I asked him "which office?" but he wouldn't answer. I appealed to reason- how could we have gotten a visa without a passport? He said "That's your country's problem, not mine." His slightly more helpful and less belligerent colleague informed me that "the other office" is in another part of town.

So we went there and learned that we would be charged up to $150 as a penalty for allowing our son to "overstay his visa." Again, I appealed to reason. It takes almost a month just to get a passport, why is the law so unreasonable? Isn't there some room to accommodate what is obviously a special situation? We applied for a visa as soon as we were able.

The unflinching lady continued to remind me that my son had overstayed his visa. She then asked if he had left the country at all. I reminded her that we just got the passport yesterday, so no, he could not have left. She then reminded me (in case I had forgotten) that he had overstayed his visa.

[At this point, April and I are seriously wondering if it would be feasible to sneak Trey out of the country in a carry-on bag, just until we get past customs. We could wait until he was sleeping, have his head poking out of the bag, and try to pass him off as one of Cosi's dolls.]

After being told I would need to wait for an hour or more to find out the exact amount of the fine, we waited an hour and a half so they could prepare my confession. (One thing you need to know is that throughout this whole ordeal, Cosi is strapped onto me in an Ergo toddler carrier, and once it gets to confession-signing time, she has had enough and is throwing a tantrum, which makes it very hard to sign things. April has Trey strapped to her and every time she tries to help with Cosi, Cosi takes that as an opportunity to try to hit her baby brother.) I was made to sign a transcript of my conversation with one of the bureaucrats in which I confess that I knew the law stated that he needed a visa within 30 days and that I did not obtain the visa in the prescribed time, thereby flagrantly breaking the just laws of this country.

I would be fined $90. I brought cash.

But no, it's never that easy. First, I need to go to a specific bank. Too bad it was 4:50pm and I couldn't do it that day. I would need to return to that specific bank within the next 2 days and pay the fine. Then I would take that receipt to my local police station and register my son. THEN I could get him a visa. Never mind that the local police station has told me repeatedly not to bother registering my son until he has a visa...

So once the rain lets up a bit this morning, I'm taking Cosi out to the bank, the police station, and the visa office. Two fulls days spent trying to get one little stamp in my boy's passport so that we can leave at the end of the month. I now have a police record with a signed confession (complete with a red thumbprint over my signature).

Here's hoping for no more surprises...

This is April.
Rob went to the bank this morning, but the bank doesn't let people pay fines until after 1:30pm. So, he went back at 2pm. After waiting in line for an hour, the fine is paid. Then, Rob went to the neighborhood police station. Just as we expected, they refused to register our son without a visa. They told us to go to another office, but it's too late to go today. Here's hoping that office is open on Saturdays :)
The drama will continue tomorrow...

Update...
We're supposed to get the passport with visa on Monday. Here's hoping...
And guess what? His corrected birth certificate still isn't back yet. Thank you, American consulate, for destroying my hopes that U.S. bureaucracy was somehow better than East Asian bureaucracy...

Lost In Translation

Cosi's language skills are improving, no doubt about that. It's really comforting to know that she understands things like, "Stop! Turn Around! Come back!" But sometimes her heroic efforts at learning English give me a chuckle:
The other day, Cosi picked up her juice cup and started drinking from it. As is her wont, she began drinking with the sippy cup turned around, so that the nozzle was at the top, not getting any juice. I always tell her to "turn it around." For a few months now, she has understood that I'm telling her to rotate the cup 180 degrees. But this time, when i told her to "turn it around," she gave me a quizzical look, stood up, and turned herself around 360 degrees until she was facing me again. Still holding her cup the wrong way, she promptly sat back down and looked back at daddy for further instructions.
Maybe it's too soon to be using pronouns...

Update (June 8th): Today we were reading to Cosi, which usually involves a lot of identifying things in the pictures ("Cosi, what's this?" "Where is the flower?" etc.). We asked her to find the bird in the picture. When she doesn't know the answer, Cosi's very clever strategy is to move her finger all along the page and hope that we'll let her know when she lands on the right object. She was obviously checking the bottom of the page for the bird, so we told her, "No, Cosi, look up. Up." So of course, she promptly turned her eyes to our living room ceiling, expecting to find a bird.

The World is a Dangerous Place

I never realized it until I had kids, but the world is a dangerous place. I think this is a little more true in East Asia, but I'm sure it holds true everywhere. Suddenly I see injury, illness, or expensive doctor visits around every corner. Even the street I have lived on for three years, which has always been quaint in a mindless urban frenzy type of way, is suddenly a gauntlet through which I would only walk my child if I had no other choice.

Vigilance, tiring vigilance is my only setting when we go out.

I have a 3 1/2 year old with no sense of danger. Did you ever hear about the time she happily ran towards an angry dog that was easily taller than her? She ran full speed at it, both of them barking all the way. Thank God for fences and instinctive daddy reflexes. Or what about the dog in the park whose whiskers she yanked? Fortunately, the creature was so stunned I had time to scoop up my curious little girl and carry her out of harms way. She will run towards cars, wild beasts, flames, and 26-story ledges. Even during these few precious weeks of spring breezes our balcony door stays shut...Courage and ignorance often look the same.

And if that wasn't enough, we have a newborn who has been given absolutely no means of self-defense. No means, that is, except his parents. Trash dropping on the sidewalk from 5 stories up, bicycles carrying mountains of precariously balanced furniture, cigarette ash being flicked every which way...what can little Trey do? Squint, cry, and bury his head in my shoulder, that's what.

It's funny- nothing in my world has changed except that it now contains 2 adorable little lives for which I am responsible. And that changes the whole world.

The BIG Poo

Well, Trey didn't poop on any strangers, but he sure did drop a load on himself (and a bit on me)...

Here's the damage!


Obviously, I gave the boy a bath ASAP! I promise he doesn't always look this alarmed.


Trey gets a little nervous being in the bathtub by himself. He likes his mama to stay close, so I crouch in front of him (with a strategically placed washcloth protecting me from a pee pee surprise). This kind of reminds me of Cosi's first 2-3 baths, when she was afraid of the water. By her 4th bath, she became quite pro-bath and that hasn't changed. In fact, I expect her to love the BIG bath tub this summer (aka Nana and Pawpaw's pool)!

Sickness and the Selfish Daddy

I can't decide which I prefer:
1) I'm healthy but my kid has a cold, which inevitably becomes:
2) We both have a cold, which then becomes:
3) My kid is healthy but I still have a cold.

I may selfishly prefer stage 1, because I like being healthy and because it's a lot easier to care for a kid when you don't feel like you're living on a carnival ride.

But in stage 2 we kind of had this camaraderie through commiseration thing going on.

I think stage 3 is just around the corner, and it's not going to be pretty.

Just to be fair, April hasn't been out of the picture all this time. She's been doing a lot these days, but she is still healing and shouldn't be the one having to care for all of us right now. (Anyone remember the last few days of when we had our foster baby and April ended up caring for the baby AND me because I got dysentery?)

Also, Cosi has now learned to say "tissue," "wipe," "orange juice," and "blech" (blech is the sound I make when I feel sick). She's also thrilled that she gets to wash her hands a lot these days. Seriously, this girl would be happy if life consisted of nothing more than washing her hands, brushing her teeth, sweeping, mopping and vacuuming the floor, and taking a bath, plus the occasional trip outside.

We Just Couldn't Resist

These are from a few weeks ago, just for fun.
OK, that sounded too much like it was a spontaneous thing. No, we've been planning this since we found out April was pregnant. We both had the same idea and have been eagerly awaiting the day when we could take these pictures...

Trey was a little freaked out by it all:













And Cosi, as usual, just loved trying something new...and the chance to play on Mommy and Daddy's bed:













Cosi, unperturbed. Trey...quite perturbed.













Both of them peaceful for a moment:













But Cosi just couldn't hold in the giggles:

Grabby Hands

While I'm feeding Trey, I have time to type up an embarrassing story about Cosi :) I would type up a story about Trey, but he doesn't do much yet...maybe he'll poop on someone tomorrow....I'll let you know if he does.

The other day an East Asian friend was visiting at our home. Cosi, in typical extrovert fashion, squealed in delight to see my friend and promptly asked for my friend to pick her up. My friend complied, while I (the worrisome mother) started looking for what Cosi might grab.

Here are some of the items on my mental checklist:
Glasses - none
Earrings - none (so thankful b/c Cosi grabbing big earrings and ripping them out of ears is a big fear of mine)
Hearing Aids/Ear Phones/Phones/Other?
Hair Bands or Clips - Uh Oh, sure enough there was a hair band

Now that I've spotted the hair band and Cosi is within range, I have to debate what to do. Should I warn the person? Will that just alert Cosi to the presence of the hair band? Should I pre-emptively instruct Cosi not to touch the hairband? Is that just me not trusting my daughter and giving her a chance to obey on her own?

As I think it over, Cosi acts. Her hand quickly became securely lodged in the ponytail of my friend. She was not been able to pull the hairband out, because my sweet friend had her hand on top of Cosi's hand and was preventing the completion of the pull.

Shoot Shoot Shoot. I'm the mother. What should I do? So, I said "No Cosi, Let go." I said it again and again. This didn't work. Our little girl is nothing, if not determined. I grabbed Cosi's hand and squeezed it. I said, "let go" again. Cosi might have grabbed on harder. Not only that, but Cosi had a slight hold on the hair band and was pulling on my friend's hair in an attempt to get the band. My friend was flinching in pain. I became frantic. In the moment, I thought maybe I could shock Cosi into letting go. I might have smacked her on the back of the head a little (not too hard, just hard enough to make me embarrassed that I did this). Cosi didn't budge. (which makes me even more embarrassed b/c my "shock her into letting go plan" was stupid and didn't even work) At this point, I froze. I had no idea what to do. I revert to telling Cosi to "let go," while still keeping my hand over Cosi's hand and trying to lessen her pulling ability. This retains the same level of effectiveness as before = none. Finally, my friend tells me to step back and let go. We let Cosi pull out the hair band, because Cosi is stronger than two adults and we have no choice. However, after it's out, I promptly take the hair band away from Cosi and put her in the "naughty chair" for a minute to "think over her wrongdoing."

If anyone has advice on how to stop (or slow down) grabby hands, I'm open to it! This situation happens everyday, except usually she has already grabbed what she wants before I can try to stop her.