Trying to figure this “parenting thing” out

After jumping into parenting with an active 3-year-old, we find ourselves faced with new challenges on a daily basis. Sometimes it's hard to figure out the best response on the spur of the moment.

Example: Cosi really wanted to try some of my hot tea. (Her favorite drinks are always found in other people's cups.) I told her “no, it's hot,” though it was closer to warm. Then, I realized she doesn't know what hot is. So, I let her touch the outside of my cup to feel the warmth. She loved touching it and now she wants to touch my hot tea every morning. Of course, I've inadvertently taught her that “hot” means “warm and fun to touch.” Way to go me.

What should I do? I'm trying to use the words “too hot” for when my tea is first made. I make her wait and then tell her when it's okay, but I'm pretty sure my meaning isn't really conveyed. Then, there are other “hot” situations, like when I'm getting something out of the oven. I'm trying to say “danger” instead of “hot,” but the only meaning that seems to be conveyed is “my mom is yelling” or “mom really doesn't want me to touch this, I'll have to move faster to get it next time.”

Other current topics in our home:

-spitting is okay after brushing your teeth, but not all over the apartment

-we encourage creativity, but stop breaking all of your toys

-it may seem like fun to pee on the floor, but your parents don't enjoy cleaning it up

-kissing someone immediately after hitting them doesn't make it okay to hit

-no throwing things! except you should throw this frisbee (or ball) to that kid and he's going to throw it back at you, and that's okay...

-when Daddy said “crap,” it's probably good that you thought he said “crab” and then made pinching motions with your fingers

-speaking of pinching, yes, we're happy that you know what “cheek” means, but less is more when pinching them

-at present, all animals are dogs, except tigers and owls (which are cats), and lions (which are lions) and dogs which are either lions or dogs

-flashing your belly is not a socially acceptable greeting in this culture (or any culture that we're aware of), despite the fact that it makes everybody smile

So as you can see, we have a ways to go, and the learning curve is steep, but we're pretty sure we'll get it all figured out soon...maybe even before baby #2 shows up!

Plan B- keep winging it and hope no one catches on...

My New Bike (by Cosi...transcribed by Rob)

Hi everyone. I recently got a new bike (technically, it's a trike, but let's not quibble over details). It's pretty sweet, because it has handlebars so that mommy or daddy can push it from behind. My feet can almost reach the pedals. Here's me and mommy with my new bike:























When mommy pushes me on the bike, it tends to be nice and serene, like this:
















And my face looks like this:


















When daddy pushes me on the bike, it tends to be a little different:
















And my face looks like this:
















See you on the sidewalk!

A Lesser Celebrated Holiday, but a Good Reason for Cake!

Green (Egg-Free) Cake = Yum!

I Punched a Guy

This is the story of the first time I ever punched a person (out of anger). As you read the story, feel free to guess if it's written by Rob or April. In fact, feel free to guess right now.

I hesitated to write this story, lest I be judged. After three weeks of contemplation and forgetfulness, here I go!

During our first week back in East Asia, we had to take Cosi on the subway system during the busy time when people are returning home after work. Cosi was in her stroller. As the subway train arrived at the station, we had no problem entering the train. However, we began to be shoved by people behind us as they tried to push their way onto the train. Who wants to wait 4 minutes for the next train, right? The problem was that Cosi's stroller is very short and not visible to the frantic people pushing onto the train. All they could see was April's backside and empty space on the other side of her. One young man decided to push April very hard from behind as he attempted to enter the train. April's stomach was shoved hard into Cosi's stroller and Cosi was (in my opinion) being crowded by too many people.

And this is how April & Rob reacted in the heat of the moment:

One person responded by letting out a "primal roar" and (at the same time) swinging her body around and punching the young man in the back of the head.

The other person responded by angrily yelling in East Asian language "Careful! She's pregnant!"

Thankfully, we are in East Asia and acts of violent response are abnormal. The young man did not take great offense at the somewhat puny punch. He was more shocked than anything. In fact, he apologized to us.

So, go ahead, you guess who threw the punch.

One thing I was not prepared for...

= Seeing my daughter repeatedly experience rejection from other children.

Being a parent is hard. I love this little person so much and I want to make her happy ALL the time. I know this is unrealistic and even unhealthy, but seeing her smile brings me so much joy! I mean - Have you seen that smile? It's gigantic and often accompanied by clenched double fists of happiness :)

So, when I'm at a play place and I see my Cosi running after the giggling girls, trying to giggle with them and I watch them look at her oddly and ignore her, my heart aches. I understand their reaction to this hyper 3 year-old (who doesn't speak their language), but I still wish things were different...

When I see my Cosi scoot her bottom over next to a little girl, watch that girl scoot away, see my Cosi scoot over again, and then watch that girl give my daughter a nasty look, get up and walk away, I wonder what should I do... Little girl - Cosi hadn't even grabbed your pigtail! (yet)

I see the other kids play in the sand. The kids ask me to keep Cosi away from them. I hear them scream at her when she grabs their toys. What kid wouldn't scream? I correct her and make her give the toy back... we're still working on not grabbing... but, that's a hard one to break, especially for a little girl whose only method of getting anything during the past couple of years (i.e., her whole life so far) was grabbing...

I walk near a door and hear two little boys beg the adult "Don't let her in here, We don't want that baby in here!" I feel so glad that she doesn't fully understand English yet...

I assumed this would be incredibly difficult for any parent, but it's not as hard for Rob. He's an introvert. He wants Cosi to have friends, but (as a child and even now) Rob was always happy to do puzzles or read books by himself.

I think Cosi is more like me, an extrovert. I want to help her learn how to play with other children and I wonder how long it will take. I want kids to be nice to her. She's had so many people be mean to her in the past. Life is hard. Kids are mean. People are sinful.

So, what I'm saying is that I want to protect my child from all the difficulties in life - is that too much to ask?

Oops!

Well, parenting is an adventure! Here are some moments that I am less proud of, but still able to learn from or at least laugh at...

-While I (April) was out & about with Cosi, I needed to use the restroom. (big surprise) As I was leading Cosi into the stall, she immediately shoved her hand into the toilet water! Thankfully, the toilet looked mostly clean and I hadn't used it yet.

-As I (April) was walking Cosi around the hallways during a church service in the US, I saw her grab something small and shove it into her mouth. (This happens all the time) I quickly made her open her mouth and found a tack (that's right - sharp pin, plastic top)! If she had swallowed that, yikes...

-Continuing with the mouth relates stories, because there are many - Since being in East Asia, Cosi has managed to shove all of the following into her mouth, even if only for a brief second = cigarette butts, dirty/used meat sticks, used & spit out on the ground sunflower seed shells, sandbox sand (that is highly reputed to contain both cat & child urine)...

-As I (April, again) tried to get Cosi a snack in the kitchen, I heard her yell "Bye." I walk out to see her in the communal hallway of our apartment building. She had unlocked our apartment door and was on her way outside.

-As I (guess who, you're probably right) walked out of the bathroom after using it for a mere 30 seconds, I found Cosi in the living room with a Q-tip shoved in her ear. I'm not sure how far in her ear it was. I have no idea how she knew to put it in her ear - she hasn't seen us do that. I have no idea where the dirt covered Q-tip came from, but she was crying. I calmed her down, threw away the Q-tip and decided that since she stopped crying pretty quickly, no permanent damage was done to her ear.

For some reason, Rob doesn't have any of these stories yet. Is he holding out on us? Or - is it due to the fact that he is able to carry Cosi a lot more than I am? (which keeps her farther away from the various treasures to be found on the floor, grass, sidewalk, road... )

How Cosi has changed in the past month...

-It used to be a struggle to get her to look at one page in a book without trying to bite it (or tear it), but we're now reading books together AND she likes it!

-She can ride pretty well in a stroller these days. Last month, she would repeatedly try to drag her fingers, hands & feet on the ground while the stroller moved. Now, she finds joy in the stroller for about 10 minutes. Then, it becomes an instrument of torture that keeps her captive.

-She can say about 40 English words. Rob understands all 40. I understand about 30-35. You might understand 10.

-When she's all done with her drink, she hands it to mommy or daddy (instead of flinging it across the room). Well, she hands it to mommy or daddy 9 times out of 10...

-She can lie. If she doesn't want to go to sleep, she'll say she needs to go potty (but her plan backfires when Rob calls her bluff and takes her to the potty). If she doesn't want to go potty, she'll say she wants to go to sleep (once again she's foiled by Rob taking her to the playpen).

-She stands at the door of the kitchen and doesn't try to enter, even if the baby gate is left open. If I am in the kitchen and she wants in, she coyly starts offering me kisses. If I accept (and I always accept), then she runs full force at me and tries to get a good look around before I carry her out.

-She knows how to pull a sticker off the sticker sheet and play with it. Although, she did EAT a sticker yesterday. I had just told our friend that even though Cosi sometimes puts stickers in her mouth, she never eats them. In front of that friend, Cosi promptly chewed & swallowed a sticker. Once again, I was proven wrong.

-Every day she learns a new body part. She can point to most major body parts when asked, although "legs" tends to trip her up (no pun intended), because she thinks it sounds like "like", which means we're singing "like a diamond in the sky"... Her favorite is "belly," and she has taken to flashing her belly at Rob whenever he comes home (and she sometimes flashes it in greeting to others...sorry Oli!)

-Finally, she has learned that her mommy is the softy in the family. Just this morning, she asked me to get her cookies ( "koo-ka" - this is not Ukrainian) for breakfast and I waddled off to get us both cookies & milk. Why not? I think Rob had a bagel... typical Rob...

One Week in East Asia

Admittedly, our pickings were a little slim for pictures and videos of this week. Baby jet lag is pretty merciless, so we've had a week of Cosi waking at 2am happy and and ready for the day (this is after 4-5 crying spells during the night). Fortunately, she's a little closer to a normal bedtime now, but we're still trying to find time to unpack. We were very blessed to have some friends here start the process of "Cosi-proofing" our apartment before we arrived, and we've been given some wonderful meals to help the transition. Another excuse for our lack of pictures (yes, I'm just making excuses here) is that every time Cosi is doing something cute and memorable, she stops as soon as the camera is out. You can take another look at this post from January to see what I mean.

But here are a few snippets of Cosi's first week in East Asia:


Cosi loves cab rides. She's happy to be free of carseats & seatbelts for a while...























She gets really excited for the first few minutes. But then after a while, she either gets really restless and fussy because she's being forced to sit in one place, or else she looks like this:
























We're introducing her to a lot of new foods, including Pocky (kind of like a chocolate covered pretzel stick - she loves chocolate, just like her mommy), which was a pretty big hit:


















I should probably mention that in this picture, if it looks like Cosi has a tail, it's just her leash...er, "child harness." She likes the monkey backpack, but once she realizes that it's the reason she can't run everywhere she wants, she starts to hate the monkey.

We've been trying to keep up with potty training. She sat on the potty multiple times a day at the orphanage. When our apartment was a little chilly today, I wrapped her up, potty and all, in a blanket in front of her Baby Einstein video. It's the longest she's ever sat in front of the tv.


















Just the other day, she discovered Rob's glasses (which she had never seen him wear before). Since Cosi loves glasses, she was pretty excited by this discovery:


















Then she did an impression of Rob's late mom:



















And here's a long-ish video of Cosi's interactions with April's new exercise ball. She uses some pretty impressive military maneuvers during this confrontation...


That's all for now! Hopefully as we get settled in to our apartment and a routine, we'll be better able to record our crazy life. Until Trey comes along next month, that is...

We Made It!

We're tired, road-weary, and covered in all sorts of food stains, but we made it back to our apartment in East Asia.
Thank you friends for your help, and thank you for making our apartment a happy (and Cosi-safe) place to come home to!

Today's the BIG Day...

Our flight to East Asia leaves at 11:50 am today!

We have about 24 hours of travel from door-to-door, so your prayers for Cosi to travel well are appreciated :) You can also pray for Rob & I to have lightening fast reflexes when she tries to throw her toys at the other passengers...